Just for the record (& in the spirit of contribs), I was never able to fix this problem. I don't know why it happened. Also, the workaround (set "Scan outgoing email" to "no" in the ANTIVIRUS panel) also stopped scanning for viruses and spam for incoming mail (my admin reports were 0'ed out).
It was taking too long to fix, so my final solution was to rebuilt the box from scratch and pratice my backup skills. Not a bad solution considering it only takes about 2 hours and researching the problem with trial and error took many more.
In my research, I did find some cool tools that I thought I should mention in regards to the qmail-queue (apparently I wasn't the first person to have a problem

):
first, qmhandle -gives you an easy way to view and manage the qmail queue.
found here:
http://sourceforge.net/projects/qmhandle/second, queue-repair -it fixes a queue restored from backups, incorrect ownership or permissions of directories and files, missing or extra split subdirectories, unexpected files or other directories, or creating a valid queue from scratch.
found here:
www.qcc.ca/~charlesc/software/queue_repair/(there's also Qmailmrtg, but that isn't relevant to fixing a problem, it's just fun

)
lastly, i ran into this problem a second time on a different server in a different location. the problem is because the sme is in server only mode with a firewall. if your server is behind a firewall, you have to make sure to open the following ports and point to sme address.
Outgoing TCP port 2703 (Razor2)
TCP port 7 (Echo)
thanxs,
dak